What I Didn't Know Before Giving Birth, and What I Learned

I've been debating for a while whether or not to share the story of Logan's birth because it is one of those very personal experiences, but after a lot of thought, I've decided to do it. As a first time mom, I didn't know what to expect in giving birth. You can search Google or hear stories from friends or family all day and you still won't know what your personal experience is going to be. And in general, I feel like a lot of the details get skipped - for example, the epidural can cause nausea. So I want to share my experience with hopes of getting some of those details out there, and you may think "duh, how did she not know?" or you might learn something. To anyone who reads this, I hope it's informative in whatever way you want it to be.

We decided to induce 5 days early, which resulted in Logan being born on my birthday, and NO it was not intentional. One of many reasons was that his due date was December 24th and being that we'd never done this before, we didn't want to risk all of our doctors being away for the holidays. I was also having searing hip pain towards the end of pregnancy, which made it hard for me to walk.

I went into the hospital 1cm dilated (width opening) and 50% effaced (cervical shortening/thinning), which to me sounded like progress, but it wasn't really. They started me on a cervix softener Monday morning, which I think is a pretty typical starting point for induction. This caused pretty bad cramping and contractions during the evening/night. I wasn't started on Pitocin (which really gets the contractions going) until mid-morning the next day. After they gave me the Pitocin, I was in SO MUCH pain by the afternoon, but when the doctor checked me, I had only dilated to 2cm. Now, I had heard that induction can be a looong process, but the combination of how much pain I was in from contractions and making no progress over 34 hours was just too much. One of the nurses told me that when she gave birth, she had asked for an epidural at 1cm, so I decided to just go for it. I'd been hesitating because I was so far from fully dilated (10cm) and didn't want to be numb for so long, but the pain almost had me on the floor and I was over it. Best choice I ever made.

Here were things I learned at this point:

• Because pain is subjective, you ask for the epidural when YOU are ready for it. And you can do this even if you're only 1cm dilated.
• Everyone had to leave the room when the anesthesiologist came to give me the epidural, which to me was terrifying because aside from the anesthesiologist and the nurse, I was completely alone while getting a needle injected into my spine. I don't even do well getting blood drawn. Also, you have to sit really still while they insert the needle, which is difficult when you're having so many painful contractions and all you can do is hug a pillow while the nurse tries to remind you to breathe.
• You don't lose complete feeling of your lower body, it more so just felt like when your leg falls asleep and you get pins and needles. You can still feel the contractions, but you do not feel the pain. I could still wiggle my toes, but wasn't in full control and the nurse had to flip me from side to side every so often. 

My memory might not be completely accurate here, but I'll do my best...as soon as I was pain-free, I fell asleep. The nurse rotated me from side to side about every 30 minutes. I was advised to look out for the sensation of having to poop constantly (not just during contractions) because that would mean I'd be ready to push. 2 hours after I was given the epidural, my water broke, and an hour after that I felt the constant pressure. The doctor came in to check and I was 10cm dilated and ready to go! The nurse asked my husband to hold one of my legs and I'd give a "trial push," after which my husband asked "is that the head?!" ...so we knew this boy was coming. I'd always imagined my husband standing closer to my head, with the same view I had (AKA no view), but no...he had a front row seat for everything... I pushed for 10 minutes and that was that! He was out. A healthy and screaming 7lb 11oz baby boy.

What followed Logan's entry into the world were things considered normal (although they don't happen to everyone), but that I did not know to expect and wish I had because they freaked me out:

• I had very intense shaking from the epidural, like, teeth-clattering shaking. I shook for maybe an hour or so after giving birth. I almost couldn't even hold Logan as I was trying to get him to latch onto my breast for the first time.
• The epidural made me incredibly nauseous. Every time the nurse rotated me, I gagged. I was so dehydrated because I was not allowed to drink or eat almost all day, so after Logan was out, I chugged apple juice and water and then immediately threw it all up. 
• My placenta was sent off to pathology (and came back with totally normal results)
• Hormones that were high during pregnancy drop when the placenta is delivered, which I could actually feel almost immediately and caused me to feel overwhelmed and anxious. 
• I had a 2nd degree perineal tear and required a handful of stitches. I was so proud of myself that it only took 10 minutes to push Logan out, however, I could have maybe avoided or lessened tearing if I'd pushed slower and less forcefully...or so I've read. Definitely wish I would've known that ahead of time. Also, they typically have you wait 6 weeks after giving birth for your OB/GYN to check and make sure everything healed properly. Well, I didn't heal properly. I was still having pain, so I knew something wasn't right. My body didn't like whatever stitch material they used in the hospital, so I had to get revision surgery and do the whole. healing. process. TWICE. My body almost reacted the same way the second time around, except my doctor caught it in time because I was going for weekly PO checks. Anyway, enough about that, that's a whole other story and I'm almost fully healed now. I can't wait to get the go-ahead to work out again!

The note that I'll end on, and that I think goes without saying, was of course this was all 100% WORTH IT. I actually loved being pregnant and the birth experience was special in all the ways it's supposed to be (minus the pain). And we are just loving our little man!